Buckle up, buttercups, because we need to talk about March 2025. It wasn't just the month when the weather couldn't make up its mind; it was also the month when the Trump administration decided to throw common sense out the window and host a full-blown circus inside the VERY White House. Forget green beer; this year, it was all about the greenbacks and the red flags. The chaos insanity was somehow more exhausting than ever. So much so that trying to keep up was impossible and only now are we able to attempt to cover it.
Musk Mania: DOGE Days and Government Paydays
Ah, Elon Musk, the man who believes he can solve all the world's problems while simultaneously creating new ones. March 2025 saw Musk diving headfirst into the political deep end, armed with nothing but a bottomless wallet and an insatiable appetite for chaos.
First, there were the government cuts. Agencies like USAID, the CDC, the FDA, and FEMA all felt the icy sting of the budget axe. Why? Well, some speculate it’s because dismantling these agencies either stops pesky investigations into Musk's various ventures or conveniently clears the path for yet another lucrative government contract for SpaceX or Tesla. It's a win-win for Elon, but a lose-lose for, you know, the health and safety of Americans and the stability of the world. Who needs disease control when you can have more rockets, right?
The firings and rehirings became a comical revolving door. One day someone was out, the next day they were back, usually after someone realized that, shockingly, expertise actually matters. It was like watching a reality show where the contestants were crucial government employees instead of aspiring influencers.
Then came the Wisconsin judicial election. Musk, in his infinite wisdom, decided he was the best person to influence the outcome, pouring millions into the race. The goal? To tilt the scales in favor of a candidate who would, presumably, see the world the Musk way. He took to X (formerly Twitter, that he bought, then sold… to himself) to claim that the outcome of the election would alter the entire world. The money flowed to various Republican-affiliated groups, with payouts so large that one could only wonder if they were also promised a ride to Mars on the next SpaceX launch.
Executive Orders and Legal Disorders
March 2025 was yet another banner month for executive orders. Trump, seemingly allergic to the concept of Congressional approval, bypassed the legislative branch at every turn. We’re talking about orders that redefined everything from immigration policy to environmental regulations. Each one was like a little Molotov cocktail tossed into the already raging dumpster fire of American politics.
Of course, these orders weren't exactly met with applause. Lawsuits piled up faster than unpaid bills at Trump Tower. Environmental groups, civil rights organizations, and even some states launched legal challenges, arguing that the orders were unconstitutional, illegal, or just plain bonkers. As of now, most are tied up in courts.
The Hall of Sycophants: Hair Führer’s Birthday Brigade
No Trump presidency would be complete without a healthy dose of sycophancy and circle jerks. In March 2025, several lawmakers, desperate for a pat on the head from their king, introduced bills so absurd they bordered on parody. The highlights included proposals to make Trump's birthday a national holiday and to add his face to Mount Rushmore.
These lawmakers, seemingly oblivious to the actual needs of their constituents, were more concerned with earning Trump's favor than addressing the pressing issues in their districts. While their communities struggled with healthcare, education, and infrastructure, these brave souls were busy drafting legislation to immortalize their cult leader in stone (literally). One can only imagine the retching echoing across America with each new, ridiculous proposal.
Security? We Don’t Need No Fuggin Security!
Remember the uproar over Hillary Clinton's emails? Well, it never ended but anywho… in March 2025, the Trump administration decided to take classified communication to a whole new level of "what could possibly go wrong?" High-ranking, dumbass officials were using Signal and Gmail for national security matters, including military operations.
In a stroke of utter genius, someone accidentally added a reporter from The Atlantic (a publication Trump loves to hate) to a chat planning strikes against the Houthis in Yemen. The potential fallout from such a blunder is mind-boggling. If the reporter had broken the story before the strikes, it could have jeopardized the entire operation, endangering lives and undermining national security.
The hypocrisy is so thick you could cut it with a knife. The same people who demanded Clinton be locked up for using a personal email server were now using unsecured channels for top-secret communications. The Trump DOJ, of course, announced there would be no investigation.
Ice Cold: Activists Targeted and Disappeared, Rights Be Damned
The Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) took a dark turn in March 2025 (to absolutely no one’s surprise) with incidents of masked, jackbooted, unidentified agents anrresting (kidnapping )individuals without warrants or court orders. These individuals, many of whom were activists and here legally, were denied access to lawyers and family, shuffled between for-profit prisons across the country, and then deported to El Salvador.
Never charged with any crimes, their only offense was daring to disagree and speak out against the administration's policies. It was a chilling reminder of the abuse of power and the erosion of civil liberties under the Trump regime.
Living in a Parallel Universe
March 2025 wasn't just a bad month; it was a fever dream of bad decisions, blatant hypocrisy, and unchecked power. It was a month where reality took a backseat to the whims of a single, delusional orange man, his African (but the right color) immigrant benefactor and his band of ass kissing, boot licking loyalists.
It was a month that left many Americans saying what the actual fuck and wanting to apologize to the rest of the world. Buckle up, because if March 2025 was any indication, the Melon Felon is checking things off the Project 2025 to do list and won’t stop until the Constitution is shredded and he is crowned King of Trumpistan, formerly known as the United States of America. Or dead. I check obituaries way too often…
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