Well, folks, today is the day. Barring some last-minute act of divine intervention, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is set to be confirmed as the Secretary of Health and Human Services—because, apparently, we’ve collectively decided that public health should be overseen by a man who thinks vaccines are a globalist plot. That’s right, the guy who has spent decades undermining modern medicine, spreading misinformation, and embarrassing his own family is about to be in charge of health policy for the entire country. What could possibly go wrong?
Of course, this confirmation isn’t happening without resistance. Caroline Kennedy, his cousin and a respected diplomat, actually had to come out and beg the Senate not to confirm him. Let’s pause on that for a second: his own family, the legendary Kennedy dynasty, is publicly disowning him on this issue. In her statement, she warned that RFK Jr. was unqualified, dangerous, and a direct threat to public health. And considering that the Kennedys have had their fair share of colorful relatives, it really says something when they feel the need to distance themselves.
And then there’s the brain worm. Yes, you read that right. Kennedy casually revealed that doctors once found a parasitic worm burrowing through his brain, which, in retrospect, explains so much. He blamed the worm for his mental fog and cognitive struggles, which raises the question: Is the brain worm still in charge? Because if this is what he was like after getting it removed, maybe we need a second opinion on whether it actually left. It’s not every day that a guy with documented brain parasite damage gets handed the keys to America’s health system, but hey, here we are.
And let’s not forget his greatest hits as an anti-vaxxer. RFK Jr. has spent years claiming that vaccines cause autism, despite every credible study debunking that nonsense. He’s peddled conspiracy theories about Bill Gates, the WHO, and Big Pharma engineering vaccines for mind control. He even compared vaccine mandates to Nazi Germany (which is always the sign of a rational, level-headed thinker). His work has been so irresponsible that even his own family members publicly called him out for endangering public health. Yet somehow, this is the man we’re trusting to lead the fight against infectious diseases.
Then there’s the bear story. For those who missed it, RFK Jr. once told a bizarre anecdote about being treed by a bear for 12 hours. The details of this tall tale make no sense—where was he, how did he survive, why did the bear just chill at the bottom of the tree for half a day? It sounds like something a six-year-old would make up to impress their friends. But the best part? His own wife, C-list actress Cheryl Hines, didn’t believe the story either. When asked about it, she said, “That never happened.” Imagine being such a notorious liar that even your spouse publicly debunks your wilderness fables.
And this is just one example of RFK Jr.’s long history of making things up. He claims to be a free speech warrior but sues media outlets for fact-checking him. He says he’s “not anti-vax,” yet has made a career out of spreading vaccine paranoia. He insists he’s fighting corruption while cozying up to conspiracy theorists, snake-oil salesmen, and right-wing billionaires. In other words, the perfect guy to run public health into the ground.
It’s also worth pointing out that, in addition to being wildly unqualified, RFK Jr. is just plain bad at leadership. His own anti-vax organization, Children’s Health Defense, has been plagued by infighting and lawsuits. When he tried to run for president, his campaign couldn’t even organize itself beyond the fringes of the political scene. And now, this disorganized, conspiracy-peddling grifter is supposed to run one of the most important government agencies?
His confirmation isn’t just dangerous—it’s a slap in the face to real doctors, scientists, and public health officials who have spent their lives fighting disease and misinformation. It’s telling that every major medical organization, from the CDC to the American Medical Association, has sounded the alarm about this nomination. But instead of listening to actual experts, we’re handing HHS to a man who spent the last two decades promoting junk science and sowing distrust in medicine. I actually saw a social media post, by a cult follower of course, saying they trust Elon Musk and RFK, Jr more than Dr. Anthony Fauci and there were thousands of likes and pro-stupid comments. Only time will tell if this kills as many people as COVID. We won’t know of course, factual stats are basically illegal in this regime but the Darwin Awards will have thousands of nominees whose story begins with “Fuck Fauci - trump and RFK, Jr tell it like it is.”
So here we are, on the brink of a disaster entirely of our own making. If you thought public health was politicized before, just wait until RFK Jr. starts using his position to platform anti-vax nonsense on a national scale. Get ready for a future where measles outbreaks are a “personal freedom choice,” vaccines are treated as “optional Big Pharma experiments,” and the secretary of health spends more time arguing with his own family than actually doing his job. America, you really outdid yourself this time.
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